We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
