so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
