and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
