Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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