I'm so fucking centered right now
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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