She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
