I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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