Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
