haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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