I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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