Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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