$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
