my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
