I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
