did you get engaged???
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
