You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
