Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize