what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
