I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
