hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
