I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
