So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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