You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize