I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
