went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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