I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
