I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
