Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
