Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
