yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize