we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
