we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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