and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The uberlube is also flammable
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
