did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize