I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
