I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
