just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were trust falling into bushes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
