The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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