If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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