You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
