What a fucking waste of an outfit
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
