it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize