Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
