Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
