I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish you could order shots online.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
