It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
