Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
