It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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