Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
FUCK WHALES
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize