brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
sex in a hospital.. check
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
