She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
