i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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