Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Pants are for mortals
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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