so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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