we made out on top of his cat.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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