he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
