when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
