tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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