PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
