You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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