he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
