quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
